Wednesday, August 31, 2005

1 September, 2005
Enjoying your vacation, George?
Comrades:
Our country is now facing a disaster of unprecedented destruction. Brothers, Sisters, our very atmosphere is so full of pollutants as to form a chemical stew so toxic it destroys the ozone layer over 20 miles up. Citizens, we fry like a roadkill lizard, croaked under the tire of the speeding presidential limousine. Yes, like a roadkill lizard frying it's guts on the shoulder of a country highway while being pecked at by chickenhawks just outside of Crawford, Texas.
Workers! Students! Soldiers! Peasants! The dispatches out of the Crescent City and the gulf states get worse by the hour, and it has become clear to anyone with a ounce of working gray matter in their skulls would come to a similar conclusion, with obvious exception of George W> Bush. Unfortunately, it would seem that Dear Leader is too involved with his recreating and getting on with his life to let a minor detail such as running the country intrude upon such important pursuits. Unfortunately, as much as the Subkommander is prejudiced against our supposed sovereign King George, the disaster in the Mississippi Delta and along the Gulf coast is the result of actions that we as a society have committed. We have grown as a species, far beyond the safe carrying capacity of the planet. In our rush to engage completely in modern society, we gave little thought to what we consumed, or how much. Gas, food, medicine, jobs, modern economies...it all revolved around the unsustainable lifestyle that we have become accustomed. No, not accustomed. Guaranteed as OUR BIRTHRIGHT as Americans. Or so some of our citizens have been sadly led to believe. The Subkommander personally knows one grown man who would rather drive his pickup than walk 3 minutes to the local 7/11. This is what that individual (the Subkommanders brother) remarked when he made a scene about the then high price of $1.50/ gallon for petrol. The Subkommanders brother made the statement that "Cheap gas is my birthright as a 'merican!" The Subkommanders brother then spit some brown juice into an old Pepsi bottle full of a festering slime of saliva and tobacco ooze, and turned the Ted Nugent CD he was playing on his truck stereo up to 11. The Subkommanders brother, while basically a decent sort, is a hammerhead. The Subkommanders brother can sometimes be a real dick. However, this is also true of the Subkommander, which might cause a reasonable person to conclude that we share a congenital condition.
Sadly, the Subkommander knows that the Subkommanders brother represents a large majority of our fellow citizens worldview when it comes to fossil fuels consumption. Workers! Students! Soldiers! Peasants! We must rise up and stop this insane destruction of our planet. We must sieze control of the corporate and political organs of state power, and restore it to the hands of the people, in the spirit in which this democratic republic was formed. A love of personal liberty. Respect for the dignity and rights of others. That will be our sign and countersign during the long dark night that we must pass in order to wake to the dawn of a new day. We must rally to the aid of our fellow citizens, the vast army of proud Negroes and White trash of our beloved southland, and march forth, like the much heralded Massachusetts 54th, like Chairman Mao and the Long March. Like Santa Claus Versus the Martians. No. Not like Santa Claus Versus the Martians. That movie sucked...
Where was I?
We must rally to the aid of our countrymen. In a Commonwealth such as ours, we are responsible for the health and safety of our fellow citizens. We must not shirk our responsibility to history. Our duty, to those now in need, as well as to those who will come after us, to leave the planet a better place to live, to raise our families in the light of freedom and democracy, to protect the fragile ecology of our communities and our world. We must act NOW to save the planet, and ourselves. George W. Bush is a whacked out snake handling Baptist, speaking in toungues while holding a passel of rattlesnakes above his head as gesticulates wildely, running amok in the West Wing of the White House. And while Subkommander Dred wholeheartedly endorses the concept of religious freedom , handling venomous snakes while communing with one's maker seems a pretty crazy for the supposed leader of the free world. George W Bush is too far gone into a weird and unholy death trip of Revelations, complete with own 4 horsemen of the apocalypse. Would that be Court Jester Bolton, Cardinal Cheney, Minister of War Rumsfeld and Karl Rove, "The puppeteer"? No, we must save ourselves! Workers! Soldiers! Students! Peasants! Rally to the defense of your communities, your homes, your families. Long live the Republic!

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Comrades;
As you may have noted, life in these United States have become increasingly weird and loathsome over the past 5 years. We are challenged as citizens of a grand democratic republic. We are challenged as members of the human family. We are facing a constant and worsening threat from those who engage in actions that are the very antithesis to our glorious and venerable rights as secured in our founding document, the Constitution of The United States. We face a foe who has immense resources, including command of the media and the political process. We confront fellow citizens of our republic committing acts, not only of a felonious nature, but treasonous as well. Our political leaders, those who are charged with a sworn duty to uphold the rule of law, have taken it upon themselves to parcel out the commonwealth of our beautiful country to the highest bidding campaign contributor. George W. Bush, 'Dick' Cheney, members of the cabinet and White House staff, with the aid of an inept, anemic and totally compliant legislative branch, have committed acts that would be considered crimes against the state in any civilized nation. And with the prosecution of the horrible and unwarranted war in Iraq, it could even be said they would be facing war crimes charges as well. The very fact that they remain free and walking the streets of Washington, D.C. instead of behind bars awaiting court martial is a perversion to the American criminal justice system. Therefore, I can no longer sit idly by and accept "business as usual." I, Subkommander Dred, have decided to recruit an army of like-minded patriots, to secure our cherished constitution and to preserve, protect and defend all of our inaliable rights. The only requirement for recruitment is a love of personal liberty and respect for the human rights and dignity of all. I plan on leading an entire army of the sons and daughters of liberty against the giant, earth-and-soul-killing machine that has become what passes for modern American society. It is not enough to be free woman and men, but to also have a planet worth living for. I will mutiny against the unsustainable and wantonly destructive vices of our current civilisation. The polluting of our air, our water and our earth is to poison are very home. The social structures of our suburbs are almost as toxic, replacing vast acreage of farmland with McMansions on cul de sacs, fed a steady diet of satellite TV and Kentucky Fried. We settle families into such soulless places, and then we wonder when kids go a little crazy and gun down a high school gym class?

I will lead an army of these lovers of liberty, be they straight, gay or unafilliated, white, brown, redneck crackers, disenfranchised black youth,Latinos, Orientals, Asians, brothers, sisters, of native Americans and immigrants from every point on the globe. I will lead an army of proud Negroes and white trash, queers, hippies, atheists, Amish, Buddhist, Christian, Jew and Muslim, pagan and wiccan, secular humanist and holy roller, freaks, geeks, Tom and Jerry, Bert and Ernie, nerds, stoners, jocks, mods, rockers, goths, angry young punks, leather boys, veterans and youth. Together, we will take back our democracy from the hands of those that would deliver it into the economic, political and spiritual bondage of indentured servitude to large, parasitic international corporations. Collectively, we are a people at war with our own planet, against our very home. Collectively, as a nation, we must right the course that America has taken. We must reassert our constitutional rights to speak out against injustice. We must hold our elected officials accountable for their actions, in the same way that we would hold ordinary citizens accountable for theirs. We must treat the earth, our home, with the reverance and care it needs so that as a species, Homo Sapiens can survive and flourish in a sustainable way, that creates opportunity for all and supports human needs, not corporate greed. Therefore, I task you, in this General Order #1, to look within yourself and rise to the challenge that lay ahead before us. Our mission is fraught with difficulty and may at times seem to be more than any one of us can bear. But together, as a nation and as a family, we will overcome.
Subkommander Dred